Which is the food? Are there still things on this Earth that are not edible? Does the inedible exist? So many questions we are entitled to ask ourselves after an episode of “Top Chef,” a show that constantly rolls back the laws of physics and food.
From oil to ash? Why not. Burnt hay? Delicious. cigar herring? No problem. In just a few seasons, “Top Chef” has gradually changed, going from being a small Cooking show friendly, into a testing ground for mad scientists with reprehensible tastes. I never would have imagined, in a small section of kindergarten, that with my mixtures of dirt, saliva and rubber, I was at the forefront of a new culinary revolution.
When you order a tequila bam with your high school friends.
All that to say that this week, Hélène is eating beeswax. It’s a shocking and traumatic moment for the chef, but it’s hard to understand why, given that two hours earlier, Ambroise was frying moss (yes, the stuff that grows on trees) in milk. How would beeswax make it worse? Where is the limit of edibility? These questions, my friends, will remain unanswered for another week.
The episode begins with a mythical ordeal: “Who can beat Philippe Etchebest and Paul Pairet?”or QPBPEEPP. It is true that this acronym is so long that it could have been invented by the European Parliament, but the test promises to be exciting. After all, it is the great comeback of parechebest, the alliance of fire and ice, creativity and technique, baldness in all its variants. But Pairet and Etchebest will not be the only ones to join forces as the kitchen NATO. This week, the teams are mixed and candidates from different brigades will have to work in pairs for the first time. The reference points will be blurred, new affinities will be created: finally turns of TELE REALITY. Thanks M6.
Me before I tweeted.
Other good news, the theme of the event, these are the mushrooms. Which means that we will finally see dishes that look good, and more or less feasible at home – without wanting to offend octopus and raw egg desserts, eh.
The best reconstituted duo is formed by Arnaud and Mickaël, who form an excellent team of schoolboys and friendly northerners. Their collaboration seems to be going great (they’ll be the only ones to beat one of Pairetchebest’s dishes)… which unfortunately isn’t the case for Sébastien and Ambroise. Getting a little carried away by his creative genius, the latter decides to add smoked fish to his mushroom dish. Ambroise, if you don’t put eel everywhere, you die: we’re in “Top Chef” or in a film by Shohei Imamura the? (Yes, I admit that one is a bit strong).
But the Cousteau of the kitchen does not stop there. “It’s a little delirium, I decided to infuse foam”, he tells us proudly, showing his pot full of compost. Ambroise, here is the “Top Chef” for humans, not beetles.
Slowly but surely, “Top Chef” is operating a dangerous value shift, a reversal between good and evil, groceries and ferns, and it has to stop. If we don’t stop them, soon there will be nothing inedible left in this world, and we’ll want to be fed dust bunnies, acrylic paint, or bathroom mold.
“Hello, I am an advisor for the vocational training account.”
During the tasting, we discovered with horror that the first course of Pairetchebest is called “Do you want some mushrooms?”. we are close to “Here, your old Tartar there, stop getting drunk, I have things to do”. At the same time, the title of his second dish is even worse: “Sweet tremella fungus-fungus without snow.” Sorry? It’s kind of a culinary version of The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power.
After having a lumbago by dint of eating dishes standing up, Glenn Viel proceeds to classify the candidates. Pascal and Thibaut finish last, and that’s the plate “Do you want some mushrooms?” de Pairetchebest, who wins first place. Well played.
We continue on a theme of sweetness and comfort for this second event refereed by Michaël Bartocetti, around honey. And, oh joy, it goes very badly.
Sébastien and Ambroise are already doing a trompe l’oeil, it’s been a long time! Concerned about this dangerous achievement, Pairet asks them: “And plan B, what is it?” They don’t have any. Also, Sébastien is very confident and tells us that “It’s going to be pure happiness.” Sébastien isn’t actually a cook, he’s a Pimkie t-shirt from 2006.
When there is a pandemic and a Third World War in the making but you still have to go to school.
For their part, Lucie and Wilfried prepare a dessert in “greek yogurt”, and launches a multitude of preparations, which Hélène Darroze hastens to taste. Except the chef accidentally tastes the beeswax, which was supposed to be used as a decoration for the candidates. Big giggle, although it could have been worse, she could have drunk from the beer that serves as an ashtray.
Amused, Wilfried explains: “It’s not edible, because it’s like at home you don’t eat candle wax.” Oh, you know, Wilfried, I have a friend who drank a dead end candle at the restaurant just to piss off his boyfriend. Nothing is impossible. And then, in the same ordeal, there are people who think it’s a good idea to cook with “salivary secretions” bee So really, what’s basically inedible?
But the real disaster is Thibaut and Pascal’s white chocolate shell, which refuses to unmold despite all their attempts.
When you have an intestinal blockage.
Driven by desperation, the pair come up with the idea of catching up…hiding the dish in a huge wooden beehive. “And the chef will come to dissect the hive to find our dessert.” But do you think he really cares??????????????????? Imagine, this poor Michaël Bartocetti had come to taste good desserts, and in the end they served him a piece of furniture from Ikea.
When you wanted the Barbie Dreamhouse for Christmas but your mom didn’t have the budget.
Finally, Louise and Lilian arrive first (I didn’t tell them In the past week who were the best?). Miraculously, Thibaut and Pascal’s team food qualifies well, and therefore Sébastien and Ambroise are sent as a last chance. As the other would say, it’s just losing.
For this latest event, the theme is salmon. While Ambroise is like a fish in water (what are we kidding ourselves about), Sébastien sweats profusely and plucking salmon with as much ardor as a beautician under speed. Sébastien knows that he must dare, take risks, excel in creativity to beat his competitor. So he decides to do “salmon with mixed vegetables with mayonnaise”. Ok, nice to have met you, Sébastien!
Except, in fact, at the moment of elimination, a twist… It’s Ambroise’s plate that doesn’t hold back! Sébastien is crying, he is very moving and the market for rolled hats is losing its greatest ambassador.
See you next week for restaurant wars! Unless there are at least THREE serious injuries and ONE huge stuffed animal used in the decoration, I quit.
Does Hélène Darroze make ends meet at Footlocker?
Glenn tries Mickaël and Arnaud’s mushroom ice cream, finds this “devastating”, and says he has chills. At the same time Glenn is normal, he is ice cold.